You're looking' so good in what's left of those blue jeans. <33

&& if you're lucky, you can take her 'cross the railroad tracks where the man in the moon works his magic on the second runner up of the 4H pageant.
Seems like yesterday even though it was 14 hundred and 56 beers ago. :)
 
I know I've been gone for like forever..
I'm sorry!
I missed y'all so much and I will definitely be posting another (or ten...) chapters of my stories this week. :)
Jeesh I missed y'all..
Okay, byeee! <3
Comment

My battle item is...

One year ago - 469 views
My battle item is...
Awe, man. All I see is an empty sunkist soda bottle. -___-
Behind that is a dancing santa claus (he has an ipod xD)
 
I'm. Screwed.
 
HARRRYYYY! COME HELP MEEE!
 
No wait. SCREW HARRY. I want Draco. xD

"It Girl" by... Edward Cullen?

One year ago - 1,176 views
"It Girl" by... Edward Cullen?

Flashbacks

One year ago - 1,028 views
Flashbacks
Couldn't resist. lol

Ke$ha & Mom...

One year ago - 565 views
Ke$ha & Mom...
Yeahh.... ahaha I guess I just thought of that...
Saw that pic... made me think of that... yeahhh... idk. hahah it's like 10:50 at night. xP

Harry Potter Mayhem

One year ago - 983 views
Harry Potter Mayhem
At least he has Allstate! :D
My mom worked for Allstate a long time ago... hahaha.
Random, yes.
But I like this one. :)
Makes me think of my $5 footlong one, and my 'that's the money you could be saving with geico" and "like a good neighbor state farm is there" one. :D I love these commercials. hahahah
THis idea just came to me. A twilight one coulda been funny too. ;)
Ron's face is priceless, especially at the end. ;)

Love is the Enemy- Ch. 8

One year ago - 464 views
Love is the Enemy- Ch. 8
Short, rather boring chapter coming in my opinion...
grr I hate those. xP
idk though cause it kindof had to be cut off where it is, and it was uneventful up to that part.
I hope you guys like it though. :/
Anyway, love you! <33
___________________________________________________________
 

“Are there always this many fights in the Seekers?” I asked as Draco took a washcloth wrapped around a big chunk of ice and held it to my left eye. I winced, but still took the ice with a frown.
 
He shook his head, wiping his hands on the front of his pants. “Not normally. But when new members get power quickly, I’d imagine there tends to be confrontation.” he paused. “You’re kindof a first- time deal, here.” he chuckled.
 
I sat thinking about that. Why did Finn dislike me being over him so much? The rest of the Seekers were totally fine with it. Even the young ones. Now, obviously Paxton and Jeremy hadn’t been fans, but they’d gotten… taken care of. But with Finn, was it because he hated his cousin, and I was the fiancé? Was it because he didn’t want a girl in a position to boss him around? Or was he just annoyed with me in general?
 
“Did you know my mom dated Wes’ dad?” I asked randomly.
 
Draco paused. “No, I can’t say I did. My mother probably knew, though. And just never told me.”
 
“Hmm.” I shrugged. “Did you know Wes and Paxton were Thorfinn’s nephews?”
 
“I did know that.” he said. “Everybody knows that.”
 
“I didn’t until Wes told me yesterday.”
 
“Well, Elizabeth, YOU can’t even say that you’re the most in the loop of the Seekers.” he teased. I crossed my arms across my chest defiantly. “You’ve only been here for a short while! You can’t tell me you know everything about everyone!”
 
“Yeah, whatever.” I muttered.
 
“What are you two bickering about now?” Lucius asked as he walked around the corner.
 
“Nothing.” I grumbled, glaring at Draco.
 
Lucius raised an eyebrow. “Well, either way, that ‘nothing’ will have to be put on hold for a while. Both our families, the Rowles, and a few others are going to the Leaky Cauldron.”
 
I groaned. “But I have a black eye!”
 
“It’s gotten much better, hasn’t it? It’s been a few weeks…” Lucius frowned.
 
I took the ice pack off. “I’m just a fighting machine anymore, Lucius.”
 
His eyebrows raised. “Elizabeth Jane. Who-?”
 
“Finn.” Draco snapped.
 
“That child…” Lucius shook his head. “I’ll have a word with him.”
 
“Phil already did.” I said. “And we don’t want Thorfinn and them to know… it’d be kinda bad.”
 
“And they won’t notice the suddenly more- purple spot on your face?” Lucius hissed.
 
“Hey, I can do wondrous things with some time and some concealer.” I replied.
 
He sighed. “Elizabeth, you really shouldn’t be fighting when your opponent is a full- grown man that weighs almost 2 of you.”
 
“But I also shouldn’t back down. Or allow him to disrespect me. And that’s what he was doing.” I argued. “I’ve been taught my whole life that no matter the enemy, you take them on with all you have. You’re not afraid, because fear is a weakness. I am not weak, so I fight to prove that. If I get a little beat up but I prove my point, how can I regret that decision?”
 
Lucius sighed again. “Just go get ready.” he gestured up the stairs and I hopped off the counter I’d been sitting on and walked upstairs. “Meet us there! Your mother and I are leaving in a few minutes.” he called up after us.
 
I didn’t feel like going home to change, so I figured it’d just be another one of my go- to outfits. After slipping on a dress and the nearest pair of black shoes, I walked out and saw that Draco was already buttoning his grey shirt and had his shoes sitting beside the bed.
 
“How do you get ready so quickly?” I wondered.
 
“How do you get ready so slowly?” he countered, tying his shoes.
 
I shoved him on the shoulder as I walked past and grabbed my makeup bag, applying some more mascara and eyeliner. After going to work on my black eye(s) with concealer, it looked considerably lighter than it had beforehand. “You don’t have to be so obvious about waiting on me.” I looked at the reflection of him leaning against the door with his arms crossed.
 
He shrugged and shook his head. “Are you ready yet?”
 
“As a matter of fact, I am.” I answered matter of factly, putting everything back in the bag and zipping it up. “We can leave now.”
 
“Finally.” he teased, taking my hand. We suddenly were spinning and then we were at the Leaky Cauldron. The place honestly made me think of funerals, and I seriously didn’t know why.
 
“There you are.” Narcissa came over and shooed us upstairs. I’d never been upstairs, but I knew that Draco had a few times. All I’d been taught when I was little [by my brother] was that bad things happened up there, and I shouldn’t ever, ever go.
 
Well, darn.
 
The meeting was already happening. A thin hologram was showing a map, with blinking dots and stars on places all over it. Thorfinn was explaining it, but I didn’t get it, although Draco must have, considering he tensed the minute he saw the map.
 
“-afterward we’ll Apparate to Rollingsworth, where we’ll seize the castle, killing anyone who resists.” Thorfinn finished. I looked around and saw Phil and my dad. Wes stood off to Phil’s left, a steely gaze on his face which showed me he didn’t like what he was seeing.
 
“Sir?” a man asked from the back. Thorfinn nodded for him to continue. “How will we execute the first part of the mission? There are many guards and protectors of the vault, and while I don’t doubt that we can break in, I question the method of doing so.”
 
“Ah, yes, well, for that, we’ll turn to the great Scarface for that.” Thorfinn replied. There were gasps, hisses, growls, and other gutteral sounds that were quite disturbing. “He broke into a vault, so we’ll be doing the same.”
 
And I realized he meant Harry.
 
_______________________________________________________
 
Write what you think will happen next if you read it all. [i.e. what the actual mission is, what it's for, the goal, etc.]

Love is the Enemy- Chapter 7

One year ago - 479 views
Love is the Enemy- Chapter 7
Who's ready for another chapter!
And a very long one at that!
It's been soooo long!
I missed you all!
I'll keep writing more, I promise.
I really do miss writing, too.
@acciosmilesforever is back! I'm so freaking happy I can't stand it!
And @hiroki, and @stephy-wants-adventure, and @im-a-dancer, and @kjerstin-elizabeth, and @the-banana-queen,
and everyone else that I'm so super duper happy to talk to again, too! I can't wait to hear your comments. How I've missed those too! <3
Here it is! :D Please enjoy!
_______________________________________________________________________
 
I don’t really remember going home, or getting into my pajamas (which were only Draco’s Slytherin Quidditch t-shirt that I’d taken a particular fondness to wearing), or getting into bed, but when I woke up the next morning, I looked down and saw that I was indeed in the shirt, tucked into bed, with Draco laying asleep beside me while draping his arm across my back.
 
I also realized I had a pounding headache and was still groggy from the night before. I tried to sleep again, but it didn’t work, so I settled for scooting really close to Draco, my face a couple inches from his on his pillow, and suddenly blowing very hard into his face. His eyes burst open, and I grinned, and he suddenly jumped and flailed, falling onto the floor.
 
“Oops.” I whispered. “You weren’t supposed to fall off, drama queen!”
 
Draco just looked at me. “What time is it?” he asked sleepily, his eyes barely open, still kneeling on the ground where he’d fallen.
 
“Like 9?”
 
“We’ve had 4 hours of sleep, Elizabeth.” he groaned, flopping back on the bed.
 
“Is that why I’m groggy and have a MASSIVE headache?” I questioned, scooting over closer because I was cold from the blankets being flung off the bed.
 
He snorted. “No, that is not why you have a massive headache and are groggy.” he chuckled. “You better be glad I’m a respectful man or I could’ve banged you last night. And you would’ve happily let me.”
 
“Banged me?”
 
He gave me a sideways glance and my eyebrows shot up. He laughed. “You were so drunk.”
 
“What was that you put in my drink, anyway?” I cried.
 
“Shh. Be quiet. My parents are probably still asleep.” he shook his head. “And just a little something to make you not remember things. You were already taking everything too hard. You could’ve blown our cover if people had noticed, or if you had objected.”
 
“So naturally you get me so drunk I wouldn’t have remembered it if I’d given up my virginity last night.” I muttered, scowling into his shirt.
 
He smirked. “You’re a virgin?”
 
“You didn’t know that?”
 
“Nope. I most certainly did not.” he laughed a little.
 
“Who did you think I’d given it up to?”
 
“Many of the guys at Hogwarts boasted that they’d slept with you, Elizabeth.” My eyes widened.
 
“Was I supposably very good?”
 
“According to them.” he chuckled. “I can’t believe you’re a virgin. Ha, miss innocent.”
 
“And you’re not.”
 
“Definitely not.” he laughed a little harder.
 
“It wasn’t a question.”
 
“Then I was agreeing.”
 
“What were you like 15?! That’s so not okay!”
 
“I was 15 and a half, thank you very much!”
 
“And you lost it to a girl named after either a flower or a puss-”
 
“Elizabeth!”
 
“I’m just saying!”
 
“What would Phil say if you said that in front of him?”
 
“He’d probably roll his eyes.”
 
“Probably.”
 
“This headache is not fun.”
 
“Is this your first hangover?” I nodded. “Ha ha. Enjoy!”
 
“You gave it to me!”
 
“That is beside the point.”
 
“Go back to sleep!” Lucius yelled from up stairs. Then all we could hear was mumbling of something along the lines of ‘their own house’. I chuckled.
 
“Your dad is not a fan of us staying here.” I smiled, my eyes shut against his shirt.
 
“That reminds me… I need to show you the place I think we should build our house. It’s so perfect.” he said, rubbing my back.
 
“I’d like that.” I agreed.
 
“But for now, I want to sleep more.” he yawned, pulling the blanket up to my neck again. “Go back to sleep. I don’t want to be up for another, eh, 5 hours, so I suggest you find something to do with your time other than waking me up.” he glared down at me and I laughed a bit.
 
After he woke up about 6 ½ hours later, I found that the rest of the Seekers had done the same, and most were nursing hangovers like I was. Draco seemed to be one of the only ones who hadn’t gotten completely drunk, along with Lillian and Thorfinn. Even Phil was nursing a nice migraine when he showed up to the Estate at about 6 that evening.
 
I lay on the couch with an ice pack over my face when he walked in and kissed my forehead. “Morning, love.” he whispered.
 
“Hi.” I mumbled.
 
“Where’s Draco?”
 
“I think he went to go find the best way to the place he wants our house to be. I’m not completely sure, though.”
 
“He has it picked out?”
 
“Apparently.”
 
“Is it good?”
 
“I dunno. I’ve never seen it.”
 
Phil snorted. “Oh, hey Wes.”
 
“Hello.” I could hear from his tone that Wes was indeed nursing a hangover worse than my own. I heard him laugh a little though. “Your first hangover, Lizzie?”
 
“Why the heII are you calling me Lizzie?” I grumbled.
 
“Guess so.” I could hear the smirk.
 
I sat up and glared at him. “Yours is worse.”
 
“But mine’s not my first.”
 
“So?”
 
“The first is always the worst.” Draco chimed in, walking through the back door and putting his cold hands on either side of my face- which felt amazing for my migraine, lemme tell you.
 
“Well it’s YOUR fault, Malfoy, so you can just shut up.” I laughed.
 
“Well, MARLOW, I did it for your own good-” his eyes flicked to Wes, whose own eyes darkened with understanding, and I looked down. “Anyway,” he kissed the top of my head and stood straighter. “I have to go speak to Thorfinn, then we’ll go see the house site, okay?” I nodded without looking up and he left the room, followed by Phil.
 
Wes sat down beside me and I leaned my head on his shoulder. “What was it like?” I asked quietly. He put his arms around me.
 
“Just like it was for you.”
 
I was about to reply when I heard a voice from behind us say, “Aren’t you engaged or something?”
 
“Yes I am. Do you have a problem with it?” I replied, annoyed.
 
“I personally don’t, but I’m sure your fiancé, and all the men in that office, would behave otherwise.”
 
I sighed madly and turned, glaring at Finnigan. Standing up, I walked around the couch to stand square in front of him. Although he was still much taller than I was, crossed my arms and gave him one of my famous steely glares. “Listen. Before, I was as polite as someone could be to somebody like you. But now that you’re in the organization, I don’t have to be. I am above you, whether you like it or not, because I have /earned/ it. And because of my position of seniority /above yours/, you will NOT speak to me like that. Draco knows that Weston and I are best friends, and so does the rest of the Seekers’ organization. But no matter what I do, you DO NOT question it, or stick your filthy little nose in business which is not of your concern. Am I understood?”
 
He snickered. “Ma’am yes ma’am.” Then he narrowed his eyes, but still had a small smile that somehow reminded me of a rat. “And by the way, ma’am, your bruises look very becoming on your frail face.” he then proceeded to push his fingers across my eye where he’d hit me only days before and turned, walking away. Blinded by pain for a moment, I staggered, then I felt fire rise up in my stomach.
 
That was when I kicked his feet out from under him and began punching him in the face with all the force I could muster. He flipped me over and tried to do the same, but I got him in an arm bar and held on tight. But before I could break something out of socket like I planned, Wes and Draco were in the middle of us, hauling us apart.
 
Finn’s nose was bleeding and he’d definitely have some nice bruises from our little brawl, whereas I wasn’t too much worse than what I’d been before. Sure, my bruises may be a little darker, but now he’d have them too. Which was all that mattered.
 
“Elizabeth! What the-” Draco hissed, holding me back. “And you!” he didn’t even finish his sentence before spinning on Finn. “That’s the second time.” He shoved Finn’s chest. Hard. “The SECOND TIME!” he repeated, the veins in his neck bulging as he shoved Finn again.
 
“Draco!” Wes put a hand on both Finn’s chest and Draco’s. They all stood about the same height, and were about the same size in general. “If you two don’t quit, it’s gonna be /really/ bad. For all of us.” He gave us all pointed looks and I pursed my lips. “What if Phil had come out and not Draco? Your ass would’ve been grass, bud.” he said to Finn. “Now I suggest that Draco, if you are finished with your business with Thorfinn, take Elizabeth to go see that site you were talking about. Walk there. Exercise would be a positive thing for you right now.” Draco’s jaw was still set and stiff as he nodded curtly and backed away, still facing Finn. He didn’t break eye contact until he walked out the door, following me protectively.
 
We were silent for a while, walking down a thin, slightly worn path that lead around the lake and up the hills that surrounded it. Draco paused at one place about 2 miles from the Estate, and about 2 miles from the Manor. Exactly at the top of the triangle.
 
“This is it.” he said, smiling a little. There were some rather large trees around us, and a little stream that had been here since as long as I could remember - the lake was a natural one, after all - was at the base of it. We could easily see both our childhood houses, and they could see ours. I imagined that wasn’t just because he liked the location, and partly because of the safety. Because Phil’s house was only about 4 miles from this spot, too. I turned and could see it, too. “What do you think?” he asked, snapping me from my thoughts.
 
I smiled too, looking over my shoulder to where he stood. He grinned a little bigger, encouraged by my reaction, and began explaining his plans. I realized that he’d really put some serious thought into this, and was trying to blend each of our tastes and personalities into every piece.
 
“-and this tree will be right outside the kitchen, cause I thought you’d enjoy a good view while and if you cooked or while we ate breakfast, with that wall full of windows, or maybe even a wall of windows, I don’t know, I haven’t gotten that far. And the entire 3rd floor will be our bedroom, and we’ll be able to see 360 degrees around the house, so we can see the sunrise and sunset and everything in between. And we’ll have covered porches and balconies and-” I laughed a little to myself, just enjoying him throw himself into something so thoroughly. He was obviously enjoying it, and besides, every man needs a project.
 
When he finished and took a breath, I sat down and took his hand, tugging him down with me. “This is really great, Draco.” I smiled, looking around. He looked proud. “I do need to talk to you about something, though.”
 
He face darkened. “Don’t tell me I was wrong about getting into it with Finn, cause I-”
 
I rubbed his hand a little. “No, no. It’s not something like that. Actually it’s not bad. I was just wondering, well, what you thought of me possibly quitting my job with the dragons and being here?”
 
Draco frowned in concern. Now he was the one rubbing my hand. “But you love your job.” he said sadly.
 
“Yeah, I do. And I’ve learned a lot from it. But I feel like I need to be here. If I had to, I could work, well, I dunno, I could find a job or something-”
 
“No, we can definitely afford to have you quit.” he laughed. “But I don’t understand why you want to.”
 
“I just have this feeling like I need to be here. I feel like something will happen soon, and I need to be here for it.” I sighed. “Plus, I don’t want to be a newly wed halfway across the world from my husband.”
 
Draco smiled a bit and kissed my hand. “Then you do what you feel is right.” We sat there for a few more minutes then stood and walked back. We walked through the door and when we walked past Finn, Draco deliberately walked between him and I.
 
“Elizabeth.” Phil called, walking around a corner. He seemed to have been waiting for me.
 
“Hey, Phil.” I replied cheerfully, then noticed he wasn’t smiling at all. He stood with his hands behind his back, looking down almost disdainfully. “Is- is everything okay?”
 
“No, actually, it’s not.” he answered. “Both of you need to come with me.” he jerked his head outside. “I’ll be out in a moment.” I frowned and nodded, Draco following me out the back door to the yard behind. When Phil returned, Finn sulked behind him. I tensed, and so did Draco.
 
“What do you want, Phil?” I asked apprehensively, looking between him and Finn.
 
“Do you know anything about these bruises and cuts that are already showing on Finn’s face?” he hissed, pointing as if we hadn’t noticed them. I tried not to smirk.
 
But I also couldn’t lie to Phil. “Maybe a thing or two.” I crossed my arms.
 
Phil’s eyes narrowed. “How about, say, who engaged in a fight with him and possibly the reason?”
 
“Maybe…”
 
“Elizabeth. I’m not joking around. The only people in the house that would take this bloke on would be Thorfinn, Dad, ME-” he spat into Finn’s ear, “-and then you, of course, and Draco, and Wes would only to protect you. So. I know it’s between you, Draco, and Wes. Who spills first?”
 
“Draco didn’t do anything except stick up for me.” I sighed, looking down. “He walked in on the fight.”
 
“Alright. Draco, go.” Phil jerked his head again, this time toward the house.
 
“Phil-”
 
Draco was interrupted by the meanest glare I’d seen Phil ever give Draco. My mouth dropped. “I know we’re best friends, and I know we’re even in rank, but don’t get in the middle of this one, Draco.” Phil hissed. “I have a feeling this is a family matter that you have no business in, especially if a certain girl is the cause.” he glared again at me.
 
Draco stood straighter, stepping in front of me a bit. “You’re wrong, Phil. This is my business. Finn is my cousin, so he’s my family, no matter how much I hate it. So it concerns me. And your sister will be my /wife/ in a few months, so that is family too.”
 
“Step down, Draco.” Phil growled.
 
“No. I’m going to protect her. Period. That’s what you want me to do, isn’t it? No matter what, you want me to toe the line for her. I’m doing that now. You will not touch her. She’s already been smacked around enough.” I shook behind Draco. I’d never seen this happen between them before. But there was nothing I could do about it. I was the cause.
 
After a few agonizing moments of them glaring at each other, Phil nodded. “Elizabeth, I need a reason behind this fight. Thorfinn will notice, and I need to be able to back it up. No matter who was at fault.”
 
“He was talking down to me, telling me I couldn’t sit with Wes because I’m engaged, and then he said the bruises on my face from him hitting me the other night went well with my frail face so I decided to give him a few bruises of his own.” I explained.
 
Phil stiffened. “Is this true, Finnigan?”
 
Finn rolled his eyes. “No, she’s lying. She’s just pulling another one over on you, Phil. She knows she’s your favorite around, so she’s playing you. She always over exaggerates.”
 
“Bull!” Wes walked around the corner of the house. “Finn’s the one lying! He even purposefully pushed really hard on Elizabeth’s face to drive in his point! He’s the liar!” he repeated, obviously about as mad as Phil was.
 
Finn glared at Wes, but didn’t have much time to do so, because he was surprised by Phil’s fist in his gut, which gave a stomach- wrenching crunch- man my brother was strong!. “That’s for lying to my face and calling my sister a liar.” Then as Finn bent over, coughing up a lung (or two), Phil blindsided him with a punch to the face. “And that’s for hitting my sister. One more bruise could do you good.”
________________________________
Write your favorite part if you read it all. :)

Yayyy!

One year ago - 321 views
Yayyy!
Yeah I know I haven't been on in literally like 5 months or something... but I've been so busy I haven't even been on the COMPUTER for 2 months, much less Polyvore. I'm not a fan of the whole new changes and stuff, but that's wahtever. I don't use it enough anymore to really have a say, now do I?
 
- I'm in a writing mood. Will most likely be writing some soon! Although @showmethelight has been absent from Polyvore longer than I have and I'm beginning to wonder if she is okay.... :( Hope she is!
 
- On the whole Kim Kardashian thing (Random... I Know) I love her and wish her all the best! I know Chris wouldn't work out but I wanted her to be happy. I'm glad she got rid of that douche though. BLEH!
 
- If you've kept up with my personal soap opera regarding Chris, he's a douche. Turned out to be a player and an azz and I'm glad to be rid of him too. Helps that I moved though. He showed his true colors when I told him I was moving by getting a new girlfriend when he'd already asked me to homecoming and I'd said yes. Great right? Oh well. New guy is here named Zack and he's 40x the guy Chris will ever be. :) Glad I moved if only because I met Zack. Who knows? Maybe that'll go somewhere. ;)
 
Love you all and hope everyone is doing well! :D
 
<3
This is a really cool picture. :) Just saying.
This will be posted in my "If you really knew me" collection, but mainly it's for the girl that just put out a set [I won't say her name] talking about how she hated that her parents were making her go to the doctor and get a medication for her ADD because she A) didn't want to turn into a different person and B) if someone knew she had to take medication, they'd make fun of her.
 
I've never talked about this on Polyvore, but that set hits home for me.
 
I'm in newspaper, and at the end of each members Senior year, they each write a column about themselves, or something that's changed their lives. They tend to be longer columns, but either way, they do them. I wrote mine, and I've had it on my computer to save for my senior column. I decided that in response to this girl's set, I'm going to publish it on here.
 
Please don't hate. This really does fall under the "if you really knew me" category, because most people don't know this about me.
 
Please read and any comments are greatly appreciated. I put out a 'thinspiration' set a couple months ago and I got some PM's talking about how other people's struggle with it. If anyone has a problem like this, any struggle really, please comment or PM. You can trust me, and I'll definitely be there for you. <3
 
________________________________________________________________________
 
Softball has consumed most of my life for as long as I can remember. I’ve played select softball since I was 8, and started tee- ball at 4.
 
When I was little, my dad was considered a best friend. We were insanely close. I was undoubtedly a daddy's girl. Up until I turned 12, I could tell him anything [as long as it wasn't concerning boys, where he'd give me the 'boys are bad until you're 30' speech]. We fought, but infrequently. It was simple; easy. I thrived on the fact that he was proud of me. He instilled an extreme work ethic that I might not have developed myself.
 
At 12, things became much harder. We started fighting, and many times he'd yell at me while at pitching practice, "How can you just forget your pitch?!"
 
I remember trying to explain that I was trying, I really was! He'd tell me I wasn't trying hard enough. I'd tell him I couldn't. He'd take that as giving up and blow up on me. I just couldn't explain to him that it wasn't a physical thing; it was mental, and I didn't know how to fix that. I couldn't even pin-point in my own mind where I believed the problem was, so really, how could I explain?
 
To compensate for what I thought was stupidity, I started chasing perfection, thinking he’d be ‘proud of me’ if I attained it. This only made me more annoyed with myself. Why DID I always mess up?! I didn’t understand why I forgot everything. I didn’t understand why I was the way I was. And I didn't understand why everyone else could handle doing simple things like memorizing a multiplication table or doing a complex math problem, or even tell a story without turning into a novelist because I gave so many details that it turned into a 5 minute story everyone grew bored of.
 
Finally, we went to see a doctor about the issues I'd been having. The "specialist" said that there was no way that I could have ADD or ADHD because I had great grades and no teachers ever complained about me.
 
What he didn't know was that I made myself do those things because I was afraid of my parents. Not in the bad way, like they'd hit me or something, but I was afraid that they wouldn't be proud of me anymore. It was all a part of the perfection facade.
 
When my grades fell dramatically about 6 months later, and the problems with softball continued, I didn't understand what was wrong. I just pushed harder, which ended up making things worse.
 
One day when I was 13, in the car on the way to pitching practice, he told me he’d been diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I remember it perfectly. He started naming things like forgetting his train of thought halfway through a sentence, and short term memory loss. I replied a simple, “Yep. Happens to me all the time,” because it was normal for me. I was used to it. I honestly believed everyone else had the same problems, and I was just being a 'wimp' when I thought about how hard it was. And it was unacceptable to be a wimp. No matter what the reason was.
 
This opened his eyes. That week, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder; ADHD; by the doctor that diagnosed him. My mom said she’d known all along.
 
The thing was, my mom had ADD, too. She'd been told when she was growing up that even though she held all the symptoms, she couldn't have it because she was a girl. She didn't finish college because of symptoms of ADD. Then when she was 38, she was diagnosed. My dad was just never checked out for it, although he held the same symptoms, until he was 40.
 
My dad and I's relationship isn’t as rocky anymore, although we still fight alot. I’ve noticed the problems we bicker about aren’t results of ADHD much anymore. It's really just because we're so alike, which in a way I'm proud of, and in a way, I'm not. I’m a perfectionist. I was doomed to be the second I picked up that ball at that fateful practice where I told my dad I wanted to pitch. But I’m not clueless anymore. I only wish I’d tried to explain sooner.
 
I want become famous in softball so I can tell parents that if their child struggles with some symptoms of ADD/ ADHD, have them diagnosed and allow them the medication. Their child won’t turn into a new person, but they won’t beat themselves up for something that isn’t their fault. And just like any medicine, if one doesn't work for you, there's probably another out there that will. There are many kinds of ADD and ADHD medications, and there are even ways to learn to deal with it without medication. I went to a doctor when I was 14 that specialized in helping people with ADD and ADHD work through the effects it has. There are even things like a 504 plan, which is for anyone with any kind of disability; whether in the work place, or in school. It is a law that if someone needs a little bit of help to even up the playing field, and a 504 can be used to do so, that you recieve one.
 
I don’t want kids to go through what I went through, because life is so beautiful when you don’t despise your faults. We’re so much stronger with ADHD. We can multitask better. We notice more.
 
Because it’s only a challenge. We’re perfect the way we are.
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